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Relationships and Marriage
Relationships are what we long for and live on. The fulfillment of love between two people is one of the highest points of life, a part of life itself. While it is joyous it is also full of risk. It is hard for two people to get along with each other; it requires real understanding, for we are each individuals, different from each other. What is required is to temporarily become the other in order to understand the other fully and well. But what frequently happens is each becomes hurt, retreats behind a wall of silence, puts defensive armor, making things worse.
A Third Ear
When two people meet with a skillful and caring referee, one who is devoted to helping them cross their bridge of silence, so much can be accomplished, not only for the moment but ongoing.
A Failed Relationship
Over the years I have worked with many Olympic ice skaters. I remember one tragic case in which a couple loved each other dearly and achieved a very high place in competition. When there were on the edge of entering into their Olympic competition they had a bitter argument. Each remained silent behind a wall of pride--and finally they separated entirely. They lost their place in the competition and they lost each other. Each went on to marry someone else, but remained unhappy. This sad story might well have been re-written if they had had good counseling.
A Happy Resoluiton
On the other hand there is a happy story. A woman came to me for depression. She was a little older than her friends, and did not consider herself to be good-looking, and had remained unmarried. But she was smart, and had attracted the attention and friendship of a professor at the college where she was employed. They had long conversations and began to care for each other. He felt that despite his high achievements he wasn’t good enough for her, that he wasn’t “manly” enough (in his eyes). He put on his defense of being somewhat sarcastic as if he didn’t care for her (but he did). She felt that she wasn’t pretty enough for him and put on her defense of withdrawal into silent pride. When she did, he thought it was because she looked down upon his for the very fear that he carried, not being manly enough. When they were in counseling, they each found that each had projected their own fear on to the other, and then reacted in a defensive way that made things worse. They quickly straightened out their misunderstandings, went on to get married, and in follow-up showed that they remained happy with each other.
Carefully Find A Good Counselor
This is an oft-told story on both sides. Understanding one’s self, and understanding the other is of the essence. A good counselor can help immeasurably to breach the gap.
But, beware of turning yourself over to just any counselor. You are at risk when you trust yourself and your problems to someone. But if your intuition, your heart, tells you that this credentialed person is right for you, go ahead.
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Do not let issues or difficulties or hurdles get between you and your partner. Sometimes all we need is to be reminded that it is ok to set pride aside, listen, admit we were wrong or misunderstood and be vulnerable. Dr. Pressman provides a welcoming environment and can help you with both current issues/problems and long-standing, nagging, re-surfacing issues.
Regain the greatness of your relationship...
In and around Philadelphia, call
(215 . 922 . 0204) or email Dr. Pressman today.
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